How the Homicidal Maniac Stole Christmas
by UnicornxNinja
Summary: It's Christmas, a holiday that Nny can't stand, this is the story of how he tries to steal it based off the children's book, How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Please R&R!


**Disclaimer- I do not own JTHM, unfortunately. It's owned by Jhonen Vasquez. Dr. Suess owns How the Grinch Stole Christmas…yup.**

**Note- This is my Christmas fanfic. I'm putting it up on Christmas Eve because in the story, it says, "Tomorrow is Christmas, it's practically here!" and because I have nothing better to do. So sit back and please enjoy How the Homicidal Maniac Stole Christmas.**

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Every person down in Vasquezville liked Christmas a lot.

But Johnny, who lived just north of Vasquezville, did NOT!

Johnny _hated _Christmas! The whole Christmas season!

Now please don't ask why, no one quite knows the reason.

It _could _be he thought that steeples weren't just right. (A/N What? Steeples are a very important part of Christmas….ya know, if you go to church…)

It _could _be, perhaps, that his clothes were too tight.

But I think that the most likely reason, and I'm not a brainiac,

Was that he was a homicidal maniac.

But, whatever the reason his clothes or the steeple,

He stood there on Christmas Eve hating the people.

Staring down from his roof with a sour, Johnny frown,

At the warm lighted windows below in their town.

For he knew every person down in Vasquezville beneath

Was busy now hanging a mistletoe wreath.

"And they're hanging their stockings!" he snarled with a sneer.

"Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"

Then he growled, with his homicidal fingers nervously drumming.

"I MUST find some way to stop Christmas from coming!"

For, tomorrow he knew all the Vasquezville girls and boys

Would wake bright and early. They'd rush for their toys!

And _then! _Oh, the Noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!

That's _one _thing he hated! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!

Then the people, young and old, would sit down to a feast.

And they'd feast! _And they'd feast!_

And they'd FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!

They would feast on Vasquez-pudding, and rare Vasquez-roast-beast.

Which was something Johnny couldn't stand in the least!

And THEN they'd do something he liked least of all!

Every person down in Vasquezville, the tall and the small,

Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.

They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the people would start singing!

They'd sing! _And they'd sing!_

AND they'd SING! SING! SING! SING!!!

And the more Johnny thought of this Vasquez-Christmas-sing,

The more Johnny thought, "I must stop this whole thing!

"Why for twenty-three years I've put up with it now!

"I MUST stop this Christmas from coming! …_But HOW?"_

Then he got and idea!

_An awful idea!_

JOHNNY GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!

"I know just what to do!" Johnny laughed in his throat.

And he made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat.

And he chuckled and clucked, "What a great AWESOME trick!

"With this coat and this hat I look just like St. Nick!

"All I need is a reindeer…"

Johnny looked around.

But, since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.

Did that stop ol' Johnny?

NO! Johnny simply said,

"If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead!"

So he called his friend Squee, then he took some red thread

And he tied a big horn on the top of his head.

THEN he loaded some bags and sacks, two or three

On a ramshackle sleigh

And he hitched up young Squee.

Then Johnny said, "Giddap!"

And the sleigh started down toward the home where the people

Lay a-snooze in their town.

All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.

All the people were dreaming sweet dreams without care.

When he came to the first little house on the square.

"This I stop number one," the old Johnny Claus hissed

And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.

Then he slid down the chimney, which was smaller than Squee

But if Santa Clause could do it, than so could Nny.

He got stuck once, for a moment or two.

Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue

Where the little people's stockings all hung in a row.

"These stocking," he grinned, "are the _first_ things to go!"

Then he slithered and slunk with a smile most unpleasant,

Around the whole room, and he took every present!

Pop guns! And bicycles! Roller skates! Drums!

Checkerboards! Tricycles! Popcorn! And plums!

And he stuffed them in bags. Then Johnny, very nimbly,

Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimbley!

Then he slunk to the icebox. He took the people's feast!

He cleaned out the icebox as quick as a flash.

Why, that Nny even took their last can of Vasquez-hash!

Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.

"And NOW!" grinned Johnny, "I will stuff up the tree!"

And Johnny grabbed the tree, and he started to shove

When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.

He turned around fast, and he saw a small person!

Little Sammy-Sam Lou, who made Johnny whisper, "Curses!"

Johnny has been caught by this tiny, little daughter

Who'd got out of bed for a cup of cold water.

She stared at Johnny and said "Santy Claus, why?

"Why do you look so wacky? Why?"

But, you know that Johnny just hated that word.

So he went up the chimney to get something to kill the turd.

Then he got out his rifle from underneath his sled

And he blew the brains out of little Sammy's head.

Then he got _himself_, some water in a cup,

And went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up.

Then the last thing he took was the log for the fire!

Then he went up the chimney himself, the old liar.

On their walls he left nothing but hooks and some wire.

And the one speck of food that he left in the house

Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse.

Then he did the same thing to the other people's houses

Leaving crumbs much too small for the other people's mouses!

It was quarter past dawn…

All the people still a-bed, all the people still a-snooze

When he packed up his sled.

He packed it up with presents! The ribbons! The wrappings!

The tags! And the tinsel! The trimmings! The trappings!

Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mystical Hill,

He rode with his load up to the tiptop to dump it! (A/N I couldn't figure out anything that rhymed with Mystical Hill! Gawd!)

"Pooh-pooh to those people!" he was homicidally humming.

"They're finding out now that no Christmas is coming!

"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!

"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two

"The the people down in Vasquezville will al cry BOO-HOO!

"That's a noise," grinned Johnny,

"That I simply MUST hear!"

So he paused and Johnny put a hand to his ear.

And he _did_ hear a sound rising over the snow.

It started in low, then it started to grow…

But this sound wasn't sad!

Why this sounded merry!

It couldn't be so!

But it WAS merry! VERY!

He stared down at Vasquezville,

Johnny popped his eyes!

Then he shook.

What he saw was a shocking surprise.

Every person down in Vasquezville, the tall and the small was singing!

Without any presents at all!

He HADN'T stopped Chrstmas from coming!

IT CAME!

Somehow or another, it came just the same!

And Johnny, with his homicidal feet ice-cold in the snow,

Stood puzzling and puzzling, "How could it be so?

"It came without ribbons! It came without tags!

"It came without packages, boxes or bags!"

And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore.

"Bullshit!" he thought, and dumped the presents galore!

And what happened then?

Well in Vasquezville they say,

That Johnny hatred for the people grew three sizes that day!

And the minute his hatred made him want to kill,

He ran down, and murdered everyone in Vasquezville!

THE END!!!

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**Wasn't that lovely? I'd like to give recognition to Dirge fro the Dead for coming up with the name Vasquezville. Thanks for reading everyone, and may Santa bring you lots of coal this year!**

**Merry Christmas,**

**~Nikki**


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